Is globalization a positive or negative force in the world today?
Is globalization a positive or negative force in the world today?
이번 에세이의 주제입니다. 세계화에 대해 어떻게 생각하나요? 긍정적인가요?부정적인가요?
These days many countries are focusing on globalization for various purposes. Every country has different purposes at focusing on globalization. However, I think globalization is a positive force in the world today because it can supplement each other's weaknesses and people can border people with different characteristics.
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These days, many countries are focusing on globalization for various purposes. Every country has a different purpose of focusing on globalization. However, I think globalization is a positive force today because globalization can compensate for each other's weaknesses and people can relate to people with different characteristics.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. 이부분에서 These days 다음 comma(,)부분.
2. at 대신 of
3. supplement 대신 compensate for 각자의 약점을 보완해준다는 nuance , border -> relate to people ~
First, globalization is a positive force in the recent world because it can supplement each other’s weaknesses. For example, by globalization, each country became able to change goods, so they changed goods such as foods, military weapons, and oil.
->
First, globalization is a positive force in the recent world because it can compensate for each other's weaknesses. For example, because of globalization, each country was able to change goods, so they changed goods such as food, military weapons, and oil.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. by 대신 because of + 명사!
2. become able to -> be able to 로 수정!
3. foods -> food 로 수정!
Secondly, globalization is a positive force in the recent world because people can border people with different characteristics. Globalization made people travel far away and this caused people to experience different types of people. By this process, people were able to learn the other countries' cultures and gain knowledge.
-> Secondly, globalization is a positive force in the recent world. Globalization has made people travel far, which has made people experience different kinds of people. Through this process, people were able to learn and gain knowledge about other countries' cultures.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. this caused people to experience~ -> which has made people experience
2. By -> through
3. learn the other countries' cultures and gain knowledge -> gain knowledge about other countries' cultures.
간단히 수정!
In conclusion, globalization is a positive force in the world today because it can supplement each other's weaknesses and people can border people with different characteristics. Therefore, globalization should be maintained for the development of the world.
-> In conclusion, globalization is a positive force in the world today. Because it can compensate for each other's weaknesses, and people can come into contact with people with different characteristics. Therefore, globalization should be maintained for the development of the world.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. 다양한 paraphrase를 위해 border people~ ->come into contact with people 로 수정!
<총평>
전반적으로 세계화가 오늘날 세계에 긍정적 영향으 끼친다는 의견의 에세이를 펼쳐서 평이했다.