국제학교 입시 및 유학 컨설팅(미국,영국 등)

[영어글쓰기]NEW TOEFL 에세이-Targeted Advertising

Chelsea2023 2023. 8. 6. 11:12

안녕하세요~! 오늘 주제는 targeted advertising에 대한 것입니다.

 

targeted advertising이 윤리적인지, 아니면 지나친 사생활 침해인지에 대한 자신의 의견을 펼치는 내용입니다. 
Is targeted advertising ethical or is it an invasion of privacy?
여러분들의 생각은 어떤가요?
표적 광고( targeted advertising)는 윤리적인가요, 아니면 사생활 침해인가요?


아래는 학생이 쓴 내용을 첨삭한 내용입니다. (Sample response도 2개 참고해주세요~!)

 

These days, people use online sites for a long time and they can see various types of advertisements. Most of the people don't like the advertisements appearing in the sites and some of them think this is an invasion of privacy. However, I think targeted advertising is ethical because it can give useful information to customers and the companies can give better quality of products by saving money to advertise.

>These days, people use online sites for a long time and they can see various kinds of advertisements. Most people 

don't like the ads that appear on the site and some of them think it's an invasion of privacy. However, I think targeted 

advertising is ethical because it can give useful information to customers and companies can give better quality 

products by saving money for advertising.

 

Firstly, targeted advertising is ethical because customers can gain useful information. When customers need to buy a product, it is hard to classify which product is more efficient and attractive. However, by the targeted advertisement, customers will get easier to find efficient and attractive products.

->Firstly, target advertising is ethical because customers can get useful information. When customers need to buy a product, it is difficult to tell which product is more efficient and attractive, but by 

targeted advertising, customers will be able to easily find an efficient and attractive product.

 

Secondly, targeted advertising is ethical because companies can give better quality of products by saving money to advertise. To get a good result, companies should advertise their products to sell many. Thus, to advertise on the street or tv programs, it needs a lot of money. However, advertising on the internet sites causes less money and people can see the advertisements more timesthan streets or tv programs, so companies can focus on making a better quality of products.

>Secondly, targeted advertising is ethical. This is because companies can give better quality products by saving money to advertise. In order to get good results, companies have to advertise their products to sell them a lotTherefore, 

to advertise on the street or on TV programs, it needs a lot of money. However, advertisements on Internet sites need less money and people can see more advertisements than on the 

streets or TV programs, so companies can focus on making better quality products.

 

In conclusion, targeted advertising is ethical because it can give useful information to customers and the companies can give better quality of products by saving money to advertise. Therefore, we need to change our mind that advertising is not just invading the individual’s privacy.

 

>In conclusion, targeted advertising is ethical because it can give useful information to customers, and companies can

 save money for advertising and give better quality products. Therefore, we need to change the idea that advertising is 

not just an invasion of personal privacy.