Is AI a dangerous technology that, overall, will be harmful to society, or is it a powerful tool that will improve the lives of people?
(AI는 전반적으로 사회에 해로울 위험한 기술인가요, 아니면 사람들의 삶을 향상시킬 강력한 도구인가요?)
These days, AI technology has developed rapidly and it has changed our life in a good way. AI has developed much faster than people thought, so some experts said AI can dominate the world in few years. However, I think AI is a powerful tool that will improve the lives of people because AI can lessen people’s work and people will be able to control AI.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. our life -> our lives
2. AI -> it 으로 , can -> could , in few years ->in a few years 옳은 표현으로 바꿉니다.
3. the lives of people 보다는 people's lives가 더 자연 스럽죠. will be able to -> can 으로 바꾸는게 더 자연스럽죠,
->These days, artificial intelligence(AI) technology has developed rapidly and it has changed our lives in a good direction. Artificial intelligence has developed much faster than people thought, so some experts said it could dominate the world in a few years. However, I think artificial intelligence is a powerful tool to improve people's lives because it can reduce people's work and people can control it.
Firstly, I think AI will improve the lives of people because it can lessen people’s work. People have a stamina which they can activate in a day. However, AI can be operated limitlessly, so it can work faster than humans. Also, it has lots of beneficial information in the structure, so it can help people doing their work well.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. 이 단락에서는 위에서 말한 포인트는 생략하고 ~
2. a stamina 는 좀 akward 하니 physical strength (가산명사-countable noun 아니고, 불가산명사 취급이니 관사a제거한다!
3. can activate 는 핸드폰 샀을때 활성화 하고 (<->inactivate 므로 be active 로 고치고, humans 보다는 그냥 people
4. lots of beneficial -> a lot of useful 로 고칩니다.
5. help 는 준사역동사로 목적어(O)+동사원형이나 to 부정사가 오므로 help people do their jobs 로 첨삭합니다.
-> Firstly, I think AI will improve people's lives because it can reduce their work. People have the physical strength to be active in a day. However, because AI can operate without restrictions, it can work faster than people. Also, it has a lot of useful information in the structure, so it can help people do their jobs well.
Secondly, I think AI will improve the lives of people because people will be able to control AI. Even though AI has developed rapidly and it is intelligent than people’s thought, AI is made by humans, so they will have a program and make an effort to control and reduce their dominance.
->Secondly, I think AI will improve people's lives because people can control it. Although AI is rapidly developing and more intelligent than people think, AI is made by people, so I will try to control and reduce control with programs.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. 이 단락에서는 위에서 말한 포인트는 생략하고 ~
2. AI ->it 으로 대명사(reference)처리!/ humans ->people 이 자연스럽겠죠?
3. Even though AI has developed rapidly and it is intelligent than people’s thought, 0> Although AI is rapidly developing and more intelligent than people think ~자연스럽게 수정!
4. have a program and make an effort to control and reduce their dominance -> AI is made by people, so I will try to control and reduce control with programs.
종속 접속사 so 로 연결한 포인트 좋고, dominance 는 좀 과한 표현이니, control로 하죠.
In conclusion, I think AI is a powerful tool that will improve the lives of people because AI can lessen people’s work and people will be able to control AI. Therefore, one thing that we should remember is humanity will not progress if we only think about fear and side effects.
<첨삭 포인트>
1. 이 단락에서는 위에서 말한 포인트는 생략하고 ~
2. should ->need to
3. only think ->think only gownaus 해주면 좋겠죠~!
->In conclusion, I think AI is a powerful tool that can improve people's lives because AI can reduce people's work and people can control it. So, one thing we need to remember is that if we think only about fear and side effects, humanity will not progress.
<총평 >
전반적으로 학생이 잘썼고, AI 가 유용한 (강력한)도구인지, 해로운 도구인지는 우리가 진지하게 판단해봐야 할 것같습니다.
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